the eloquence question

so is this something u should try and be? + i had my grad school interview last night + it was good, not at all what i expected + not one of my pieces was "discussed"+ it was more of a conversation about the university (SMFA) and how i would "work" there + but what interested me was the act of articulating + i didn't say much but i wondered how much of what i said was put throught my eloquence filter + and if i even have one of those + and if i do + why can't i use it at more oppertune times + like difficult emotional situations (which i too often find myself in) + i often am left void of the ability to speak ( which i have illustrated by the wordy mumbo jumbo way in which i just articulated the phenomena of speechlessness) or saying so much so many different ways that i end up not communicating at all + i think i have an aversion to explaining things + which i think has to do with what i feel like is the nature of the universe + AMBIGUITY + so few things are definte (SP?) easily defined, clear, black and white, contrasty, right or wrong, binary, whatever. +

so taking Rilke's Advice given to me so graciously by Qrescent the love philosopher + im trying to vigilantly (sp? again) "Love the Questions" + and maybe ill live my way into the answers + but what if those answers have question marks at the end?

i want to know when im going to get tired of states of limbo - inbetween ness + i think it may just be in my nature to be always trasitioning (sp) to the next thing + i used to think if i am anything + if there is one word that defined me + it is creator + u know i "make stuff" + its my M.O. + but i don't know if thats it anymore + i think the new word is + "transmogrifier" +

transmogrify
v : change completely the nature or appearance of; "In Kafka's story, a person metamorphoses into a bug"; "The treatment and diet transfigured her into a beautiful young woman"; "Jesus was transfigured after his resurrection"

trans·mog·ri·fy (trns-mgr-f, trnz-)tr.v. trans·mog·ri·fied, trans·mog·ri·fy·ing, trans·mog·ri·fies
To change into a different shape or form, especially one that is fantastic or bizarre

yea and im becoming more and more bizarre - ive always been dark and abnormal - but now yes i have become ---- complicated - ive confused myself about myself - i really was convinced i was simple and easy to understand / relate to / be around / but alas im not / and i really badly wish i was / or my complication was of a certain nature that would facilitate ease of understanding /

as all this pertains to S. africa - im not having fun anymore - all the fun experiences have - transmogrified into - awe inspiring ones - so im like wide eyed all the time - and thus worried about everything im aware of - and being a human and having that self preservation instinct - im a lil worried bout me! butterflyish

why are butter fly's named that

that is a wack name

caterpiller -- cocoon -- and then...my vote goes to --- Terences! no thats vain some ppl should post their suggestions on a new name for butterfly's!

(butterfly's live notoriously short lives)