Terence's Motherland Musings

KING KONG

2005-12-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

so, i went to a test screening of "King Kong" last night, and i want everyone i know to boycott this film. Simply put, it is the most irresponsible and corrosive misrepresentation of aboriginal/indigenous/ phenotypically non-European people i have ever witnessed in contemporary cinema.*

a short description: The un - assuming Caucasian stars arrive on a remote tropical island in POLYNESIA - their first encounter is with a "savage" played by a small white girl - painted head to toe charcoal black - complete with small bones through her nose and ears - her uncivilized nature is further punctuated when she violently bites one of the benevolent white people when he offers her chocolate

of course, Mayhem ensues as hundreds of "savages" erupt onto the screen, violently assaulting and murdering the civilized white travelers.** a few important points - the actors chosen to fill the roles of the principal savages: an old woman chanting some curse. the aforementioned young girl, and a violent young male warrior type, are all white actors painted TAR black - BUT - the hundreds of extras who fill the roles of the rest of the savages are clearly black - if i had to guess - of west African extraction.

this may sound like overstatement - but when u see the film (please visit your local bootlegger - or download the film using file sharing software) u will understand how intensely irresponsible the filmmakers must have been - These are all seemingly intelligent people - artisans even - who were entrusted with two hundred and seven million dollars*** to turn out this film. it is insane that with that much money - and that many people involved - no one noticed that there were 200 people walking around on set - made up as if they were FRESH OFF the set of a 30's minstrel show.

i don't know about u - but i could make about 207 very good films with 207 million dollars - and that is another reason why we can't support this debasement. we are buying in 10 dollars at a time - to a system that values spectacle over all else - especially aesthetics.

so please - don't go - i know that the slick action sequences that 207 mil can turn out - are very seductive to say the least - but don't go to the theater and see this - or rather just don't pay - again i refer you to your local bootlegger or you dsl Internet connection.

-footnotes

*kinda like "Tears of the Sun" but worse... well maybe not worse because antoine fuqua - the guy who directed that movie is / (was) black

** if the Aztecs, Nguni, Maori, and Seminoles had known to kill the white "visitors" on sight - maybe the world would be a better place.

*** http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4384458.stm

as my mother says - "on and UP"

Terence

FAREWELL CAPETOWN

2005-07-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

well! im home now - and im having reverse culture shock, im no longer in the majority and that is more shocking than instantly being in the majority upon arriving in south africa. the place and people there definatly came to feel like home, and i intensly miss th epeople i got to know while there, which is a good thing cause that means i experienced somthing relevant with them. i find that my idea of physical beauty, expecially with nature and what not has been re -appropriated along with my idea of home, i think it probably has something to do with living at the foot of a mountain and the view of the ocean to and from school everyday, its kind of hard to just BE here in america now, in that my mind races about every day things more so than it used to, for instance the sheer excess that seems to be here, you can drive for five minutes in any direction and find a starbucks, McDonalds, GAP, officemax, walmart, kmart, its very mind numbing, the volume of product, and the feverishness of consumption is very hard to deal with, i also sort of feel trapped in my house because of the wackness of public transportation and the fact that i kind of feel theres notheing to explore here, no new place to go or new person to meet. but im moving to ny soon (gooing to nyu for grad school ) so maybe the static - ness will be broken, im working on some websites so there is alot of indoor work to do which doesn't excite me. but we shall see how the plot unfolds, ill keep u updated here the name of the site may change tho- lemme try this new picture thingy hold on

another version

2005-06-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

here is another version of the movie, tell me which one you like better

http://s27.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1SHR1VA7QB6X50IOOTQ7TJDB92

napstract@yahoo.com for the feedback or just post a comment

monopolized time

2005-06-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

ahh dearest blog,

school work has kept me away from you + specifically me finishing my movie + which u can download for your viewing pleasure using the link below

http://s33.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2KAO0C3ACHNFB2VIDN50WDHW8F

please give a brother some FEEDBACK! and share it with ur friends, the word for the day is BOOTLEG!

(notes: if u don't have quicktime u won't be able to view the movie, but don't worry, simply download quicktime at www.apple.com/quicktime/ and watch away!)

love for the lovers and especially the loved!

TEA

yoda is cool

2005-05-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

if so powerfull you are - leave why do you - one of the best pieces of dialouge in modern cinema. ( i saw star wars yesterday ) the end is near too near + it was my last day with the kids yesterday, i got some great footage of them singing and dancing + can't wait to share it + plus like five rolls of film + overall the "volunteering" experience me has me feeling much more enriched than anyone i may have "helped" + which i sort of anticipated given my PT experience + still trippin about grad school if u have any advice post it please

gotta jet

More visuals!

2005-05-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

if your tryin to see more pics of mocambique and a few pics of the ocean view excursion- (more to come soon) - i suggest you copy and past the link photos.yahoo.com/napstract into your browsers navigation bar - so you can see the aformentioned locales in black and white + for all you photographers / artists etc. no the images haven't been photoshoped they just came out real contrasty and grainy like that in the scan, i developed the negatives myself and im lookin at em now and they dont look as contrasty as they do on my screen + so when i re-scan myself + ill let you know + but i sort of like the wierd effect + check out the chiken man picture its my favorite of all time. again the link, photos.yahoo.com/napstract

peace

TIME IS RUNNING OUT

2005-05-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

yea dude + time is runnin out on a free african + i meet ppl everyday + i see so much new stuff + time is FLYING + on one hand i feel like ive been here for years + on the other i feel like my time here is goin quicker than the wick on a pipe bomb + and leaving will be similar to the explosion + it just feels really home-ish here now + (reference the film "garden state" and the main characters musings about the plight of the early 20's and ones relocation of their ideals of house and home) + and i don't know where im goin to school + and i don't wanna go anywhere cold + and i realized every where i applied is gonna be cold + but i know im goin so i gotta make a choice like freakin yesterday + learnin alot of languages + thinkin i wanna go back to school to be a master linquist and economist so i can infiltrate the freakin IMF and world bank and take em down from the inside +

ALL I GOTTA SAY is (kiddies look away-- im talkin to you camille, and you chloe, u to paloma)

"TEAM AMERICA--- F*&K YEA!!!!!"

OCEANVIEW

2005-04-28T04:15:00.000-07:00

aint got no ocean - view + and there lies the sad irony + its a "coulored" township of a few thousand ppl + all of the people there were displaced from simonstown, which is now an all white beachy type of area, during the land re-distribution act + literaly removed from their homes against their will + there is very little money and or jobs + most ppl have some time of entreupronurial situation going on + to keep food on the table + keep ends meetin + the family i stayed with were the de clercks + they, for instance, ran a bakery out of their homes + very sweet, passionate, giving people + muslim, (went to a mosque for the first time) + my OV parents were Sageda and Abduraghim (his family was taken from simonstown when he was 5 yrs old) + cute couple + Abduraghim was braggin about his wife having the biggest smile out of his friends wives + they have three kids + Rafik 19, Nadia 23, and Anyeeka 17, and one grandaughter Niema 4 + we talked alot and played dominoes + apparently they play dominoes much different + its not even the same game + but they still throw them bones on the table dramatically and yell out the score + (black folk) + i taught them to play dominoes the way we do at the house + and they said they will only play the american way from now on... it was very enriching and positive for all parties involved to experience a couloured community + apartheid sort of forced the creation of a seperate coulured culture +different way of dress, cuisine, language + they have a unique perspective on the "new south africa" because they are the only culture that has remained a minority + they say there are even coloured ppl who voted for the afrikkaners instead of mandela + my family was opptimistic but they recognized that their minority status put them at a disadvantege - no matter who was in power. + i felt really privlaged to be able to spend time with them.

so FINALLY i got some photos online just go here:

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/napstract/album?.dir=/b48f&.src=ph&.tok=phgK35CB0FN4F1A5

you should be ablt to just copy and paste that link into your browser if you have problems just email me and ill send u everything directly

MOCAMBIQUE pt. Deux

2005-04-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

Man + i realized yesterday + that im in school + i wish i coulda came here and not had the responsibility of attending class + that has been the reason for my extended absense from the blog situation + im sorry for upsetting all the fans! (wow that was vain!)

so where was i + mocambique + the rest of the story will be told in vignettes +

FLAGS

there is one drivable road in mocambique + and for at least 34% of the trip + we were on it + it is the original information super highway + cause literally all the commerce /entertainment /toursim / govt / etc.. goes up and down this road + the soil in mocam is red the foliage is bright green and the sky is bright blue so driving down the "internet" looking out the window offers another monet type of visual experience. the colors blur into stripes + through the rectangular windows + it looks like what the mocambiqan flag shoulda been + (currently its 2 AK 47 with the 36 clip crossed with a hoe (the gardening variety)
i.e. (http://www.hku.hk/portugal/portuguese_ww/images/Mozambique_flag.gif)
(did i say this in my last post? well if did im sure i didn't put it the way i just did)

i thought rooster just did their cockadoodledoo thing in the morning - once + WRONG! they do it all night long + without provocation + we was sorta kinda roughin it in rural mocambique + evidenced by my proximity to roosters in the morning + i slept in a hut + and it rained all night + that was some suprisingly good sleep tho + except for the freakin rooster + and the mesquitos + TOFU is this lil town about 4 hours north of maputo that has been tinged by the pollutants of capitalism and westernization + evidenced by the factory made + "african art and textiles" they sell to th 38 tourists that are on the beach at any given time. the beach is beautiful + the people are more beautiful + the language barrier was surprisingly not a problem + you sort of just start speaking broken spanish and they understand you. i however began speaking french randomly which they don't understand + we had several scares tho + including getting semi lost by the beach in an area that they told us people were frequently robbed at machete point + jesse got real sick and he had alot of mequito bytes (which we all had) so we thought he had malaria + but he's cool now + oh and don't go to the club in inhabane (the town that tofu is a suburb of) cause there won't be that many ppl there, and the ppl there will get in a fight + and they will pull each others weave out and get the police involved who of course don't play ( these cats make the early 90s lapd seem sheepish). just a lil advice from me + oh and don't go swimming at dusk or dawn thats when sharks feed + if u go to rural mocambique tho DO get the bread and bananas from the street vendors + youll thank me for telling you

SPEED pt 3 Starring Terence Nance, Melanie Singleton, Jesse okiro, and Nellie B. (keanu reaves is asking for too much post matrix stardom)

on the way back to jo burg from maputo + the shuttle from the hotel was under the assumption we were taking a plane not a bus to joburg so he carried us on toward the airport + we were supposed to be going to the bus station + he of course realized this too late + so he whipped the shuttle around to see if we could catch the bus ( who knows it could have left a lil late ) + no + it left right on time 7 min. roughly before we drove up + not to worry + our shuttle driver was a G! + He whipped the VW minibus around like jeff gordon doing donuts + now mind you the road situation in maputo is like culver st. in south dallas, mixed with the access road to 94 on the southside of chicago + times 50! + so we swervin missin oncoming traffic + potholes + we hit the highway + and he gets the VW up to like 90 mph + after 10 maybe 15 min we catch the bus + we begin to flag it down + we resort to drivin up next to it + hangin out the window and bangin on the drivers door + he mouths to us+ "the only way for u to get on is to board while we are still driving." still goin 90 + we pull around to the passenger side the driver opens the door + to our delight the shuttle driver had a plank just for occassions like these + we opened the sliding door and just as i was about to drop the plank + the shuttle driver swerves around a car + i almost fall out of the sliding door put the bus driver pulls close enought to the vw for me to catch myself by wedging the plank against the bus door frame + close one + i set the plank and we are ready for extraction + ppl first bags second jesse was last but the vw started to sputter and run out of gas just as he was crossing the plank fell + i grabbed him just in time + and he avoided falling from the bus at 90 mph to his death on the fast cold asphalt +

next episode

weekend at the township

MOCAMBIQUE

2005-03-31T06:41:00.001-08:00

THA train

is tha jump-off + story begins in capetown + got up real early to catch the 25 hour train to Johannesburg + there are only third class tickets available + so we go head and jump on hoping that something in 2nd class will open up around hour 8 of the trip. + Third class on the train is a trip.... any class on the train is a trip + people change residences using the train + the worst/best part + they serve a schmorgesboard (sp) of alcoholic beverages on the train for anyones drinking pleasure + so to take their minds off + the heat + babies cryin + not enough seats + lil chirrins runnin around....erry body on the train was gettin tipsy...everyone is however more sociable on a train than lets say a plan or automobile + my time in third class marked the first time someone assumed that i speak Afrikkans + but again, third class, aint the most comfortable or the safest (especially with everyone gettin inebriated) + so hallelujat, something opens up in second class + where everyone gets their own compartment and whatnot + several highlights + watching the sun go down and the rain approach at dusk + (pics comin soon!) + watching the landscape change from oaisisy green to desert while what can only be described as polyrhythmic xhosa hymns were sung intensly by the 5 drunken women in the compartment next to us. + lowlights....+ the milkshakes on the train are just shaken milk..no ice cream.

HOSPILITALITY and other stumbled upon lessons and experiences in Johannesburg

got to joburg at about 11am on sunday + im in touch with Julia-Lynn + one degree removed from her via her brother Phillip Walker + who was my mom's good friend and whom i remember most vivedly as a child as santa clause, and a constant presence in my parents circle of friends + Julia-Lynn and her her husband Meshack live in Johannesburg in the most impressive home i have ever set foot in + for several reasons + first + because if instantly felt like home + probably because of all the books and CD's and magazines + (anyone's whose ever been to my house knows why that is a homely type of thing) + so it offered that instant feeling of cozyness and warmth that only home can provide + I won't describe the house in detail + ill use these three words + luminescent, tropical, ergonomic + looks like something out of architectual digest + Julia-Lynn is quite possibly the most hospitable person ever + and she helped re-inspire me to make sure my home and life are open to young people in need + we met friends of hers who want to set up a mentoring program for young people in jo-burg + real dope people with positive lives + always good + we had very irreplaceable convo's + we went to a club in jo-burg that night + when we got there it was pretty full but EVErYone was sitting down lookin bored +i was peaved cause ppl refused to dance until the house music came on + and before that they were playing alot of dope stuff + my song ...Mamma im a millionare air air + got on a bus that mornin to go to MAPUTO the capital of mocambique!

MAPUTO eu nao parlais portuguese

so it must have just slipped my mind + but they don't speak english in mocambique + the language barrier made me wanna be a linguist + i used to not know what i wanted to do if i wasn't an artist, now i know + i would study languages + and just bask in my abilitiy to understand everyone worldwide!

the bus ride was extremely long mostly because of the border crossing which was crazy + once u hit the border there are these huge vallys filled with huts and shacks + everyone has to get off the bus twice to verify visa's + there are soldiers and whatnot milling around + when you get off they go through luggage on the bus + but you can't watch them go through it.... + i tried to take a picture of the big vally + and the bus driver was like + "wo there buddy" "hide your camera before the police take it" + i was like... "ok"

so + we got in this convo about Africa and came to the conclusion that SA (capetown specifically) isn't "legit Africa" u can mistake capetown for any part of the western world if you bling to fast + Maputo in contrast is VASTLy different + first of all the urban landscape is extrememly different because of the absense of newness + There seems to be NO cars, buildings, clothing --- anything made within the last 25 years + it seems to be stuck in a western time warp + in a poem i put it something like this + "mocambique is a place abandon in its transition to a forcibly imposed reality"

the demographics are extremely different as well + there are almost no white people + mostly Shangan people speaking portuguese + where as in SA + there are of course alot of White people +the only white people i saw in Mocambique were either visiting from SA or they were 50+ sugar daddies who seemed to have a lock on the 17-30 black woman dating pool + there is really no visible govt or infrastructure i saw potholes that were 2 ft deep and 4 feet wide + i know there is a govt + but the "police" usually turned out to be hired private security + some of them had AKs or sawed offs which seemed to be mostly for intimidation purposes.

i don't want to give a history lesson + but the difference in "colonization cultures" seems directly linked to the colonizing nation + in mocambique's case, portugal, + apparently 98% of the portuguese population JET to either brasil, portugal of SA withen 2months of the liberation of the country + whereas in SA the colonizers stayed there and declated their independence from britan which has led to a more stable infrastructure in the western sense +but SA also got stuff like apartheid which the mocambiquans don't have.+ but now the world has their eyes on SA +i.e. the world cup is coming + their puttin in an olympic bid + etc. whereas places like mocam are kinda ignored by the world community.

to be continued....

(coming next GET on the bus! rural mocambique quickly becomes an action film )

tha chirrins

2005-03-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

are sooo dope + as ive said before + i do a lil arts program with the chirrens in khylitsheia (xhosa speaking township) + every monday + yesterday was magic + we decided to do dance with the kids + so after some warm up activities + i.e. the banana's unite song + we split (no pun intended) into eight groups +each group had to coreograph a piece to a different song + each song was from a different culture so ideally one's ography had to fit their song + ....so it was crunk and our kids clearly are brimming with talent + one of the volunteers copped out and taught her group the electric slide + but there was a lil girl in her group who everyone calls ostritch + cause she's real long and thin + she was killin the electric slide + took it to a whole nother level + the highlight of the day i think was on song # 6 with two groups yet to showcase their ablilities + there was a power outage in the school + of which the kids and i responded to by clapping out this house ish - kwaito-ish rhythm for the rest of the chirren to do their dance to + i mean it was surreal to see 70 kids erupt instantaniously in improvised song - came back to the house on a high yesterday and im still on it.

just grateful

2005-03-14T01:57:00.000-08:00

i am so grateful, i recieved an email today that said i got into SMFA (tufts in boston), this grad school process has been sooo hectic and for it to come to a positive conclusion is really evidence of god's goodness! i applied even tho i had no money to pay app fees to 14 schools and ive already gotten into two - i definatly wasn't expecting this at all and i'd just like to thank everyone that helped me again.

hallelujah again

2005-03-09T09:20:00.000-08:00

so, i got an email saying i got in to cal arts MFA program - hallelujah again - grand total - 1 acceptance - 0 rejections - 13 haven't heard from - i'd like to thank some people - GOD - MOM and DAD and all family first and foremost - and my recommendors - Jennifer Dowlin-kelly first becuase she supervised my main portfolio peice - Dr. Gerald Steenken - Andrea Raynor - John Mallia - and Jay Laird - Horace Porter for the help on refining my goals and the rest of u wonderful ppl out there that im to excited to remember! now lets hope they give me some MONEY!

now for pt 2 of the township + i wanna write something about what was introduced to me as the "chitlin phenomenon" + which is really just the tendency of diasporic peoples to make something out of nothing or very little (i.e. chitlins being scraps given to slaves , now regarded among AAs as a delicatessen) + this phenomenon shows its head in no other place than the color schmes of the shacks in kylitsheiya + you would thing that after constructing a shack out of scrap metal, wood, cardboard and whatever else + it would be kind of an afterthought to consider making an attempt at making a shack aesthetically pleasing ( i know that wasn't well said but i can't think of a better way) but these people CO-ORDINATE theyre stuff + i saw colors that would have had to be mixed by a keen eye @ sherwin williams + i saw alot that had a principal color and then a compliment used for the trim + and these are shacks yall + but they hooked em up + there seems to be an outright refusal to tolerate ugly in the diaspora + if u built a shack would u paint it? + I think nothing speaks more accuratly to the uniqueness and vivacity of black people than the hues of these shack (To be Continued)

skwatta kamp

2005-03-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

first time in a township + went to volunteer with SHAWCO and do art with the kids + driving there was interesting + we go inland away from the mountain about 15 miles + of which 20% is populated by couloured or black townships + the "western" nature of the country is starkly contrasted by this drive + first, it seems mostly rural and we aren't even technically outside of the city yet + i saw 2 horses grazing next to a sewer + another hitched to a trailor with large bags or rice or fertilizer or something + when u get to khylitshyeia + it is a quick change of scenery from rural to skwater camp + ..which is neither rural nor urban.... (To be continued)

oooh and this

2005-03-02T04:16:00.000-08:00

homo erectus i rap u rap we shoot people shit must end cuz among a billion other reasons + that ultra - voilent / strapped / swole / sexual predator/ amoral / incarcerated black male is the first thing ppl hear about here + those images almost entirely represent African Americans Abroad + so if u are planning on buying any of 50's Game's Bank's Dre Snoop's albums anytime soon - dont nobody will get the point until u start messing with their income

go buy common's album, it comes out soon.

http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=4129

the eloquence question

2005-03-02T03:43:00.000-08:00

so is this something u should try and be? + i had my grad school interview last night + it was good, not at all what i expected + not one of my pieces was "discussed"+ it was more of a conversation about the university (SMFA) and how i would "work" there + but what interested me was the act of articulating + i didn't say much but i wondered how much of what i said was put throught my eloquence filter + and if i even have one of those + and if i do + why can't i use it at more oppertune times + like difficult emotional situations (which i too often find myself in) + i often am left void of the ability to speak ( which i have illustrated by the wordy mumbo jumbo way in which i just articulated the phenomena of speechlessness) or saying so much so many different ways that i end up not communicating at all + i think i have an aversion to explaining things + which i think has to do with what i feel like is the nature of the universe + AMBIGUITY + so few things are definte (SP?) easily defined, clear, black and white, contrasty, right or wrong, binary, whatever. +

so taking Rilke's Advice given to me so graciously by Qrescent the love philosopher + im trying to vigilantly (sp? again) "Love the Questions" + and maybe ill live my way into the answers + but what if those answers have question marks at the end?

i want to know when im going to get tired of states of limbo - inbetween ness + i think it may just be in my nature to be always trasitioning (sp) to the next thing + i used to think if i am anything + if there is one word that defined me + it is creator + u know i "make stuff" + its my M.O. + but i don't know if thats it anymore + i think the new word is + "transmogrifier" +

transmogrify
v : change completely the nature or appearance of; "In Kafka's story, a person metamorphoses into a bug"; "The treatment and diet transfigured her into a beautiful young woman"; "Jesus was transfigured after his resurrection"

trans·mog·ri·fy (trns-mgr-f, trnz-)tr.v. trans·mog·ri·fied, trans·mog·ri·fy·ing, trans·mog·ri·fies
To change into a different shape or form, especially one that is fantastic or bizarre

yea and im becoming more and more bizarre - ive always been dark and abnormal - but now yes i have become ---- complicated - ive confused myself about myself - i really was convinced i was simple and easy to understand / relate to / be around / but alas im not / and i really badly wish i was / or my complication was of a certain nature that would facilitate ease of understanding /

as all this pertains to S. africa - im not having fun anymore - all the fun experiences have - transmogrified into - awe inspiring ones - so im like wide eyed all the time - and thus worried about everything im aware of - and being a human and having that self preservation instinct - im a lil worried bout me! butterflyish

why are butter fly's named that

that is a wack name

caterpiller -- cocoon -- and then...my vote goes to --- Terences! no thats vain some ppl should post their suggestions on a new name for butterfly's!

(butterfly's live notoriously short lives)

Terence is for Tha Children

2005-02-28T04:35:00.000-08:00

and the good young youths of the world + so i signed up for SHAWCO which stands for student help and welfare capetown organization (or somthing like that) + and basically im gonna go to kyleisha ( a black, xhosa speaking township, i know i spelled it wrong ) + every monday + and do art with the chirrens + they aren't kids! + kids are goats + these are children + and i think the first day is today + we had training all day saturday and it was...ehhh. +

i had one of many "not proud to be american moments" in one of the training sessions + so of course we are talking about the kids and what to expect and the AIDS question rises like black smoke from a burnin pile of tires + this girl in my program sets it off by asking + "if a child gets a scrape or a cut - what do we do?" + now a few of the africans laughed - thank god it was a big room - to me it wasn't really that the question was so bad because given another context she coulda just wanted to know where the first aid kit was located + but it was the way she said it + she sounded kinda distraught like she thought the aids was gonna jump outta the kids vein and slither down her throat like in the alien movie + they told her the first aid kit had rubber gloves + but that she just needed to make sure she didn't have opens sores on her hands and she would be OK! + more mind numbing dumbness followed + including --"is there an appropriate way to physically handle the kids?" + or something like that + then we moved to TB + and the hep and the herp and everything else + i was waitin for someone to ask about smallpox (PUNCHLINE!) + it became a really funny thing for all the returning councelors and african employees but for me it was kinda like watching soul plane or bringin down the house but worse cause no one was getting paid.

Then this girl from england went on the longest tangent ever about expectations i think + anyway + she created this long fictional narrative about a child that she had created in her mind that she expected to encounter when she got to kyleisha who couldn't read or speak english + was an aids orphan + had a skin disease + no pants + 8 yrs old and not potty trained + head of the household + job in a textile mill 2 rand per day + stole bread just ta get by just ta get buy + she was almost crying by the end of this description + and she said it all in this marry poppins accent + it was so cinematic + i was trying to hide my face this whole time + so maybe i would become invisible and thus dissassociated with these ppl + not that they were bad ppl + they were just trippin.

SCHOOL

2005-02-24T03:45:00.000-08:00

is such an omni present thing - i have my first formal grad school interview on monday night - i need to breathe stretch shake let it go - if i get in to this school it'll be an extremely heavy weight lifted off of my head shoulders knees and toes (knees and toes !!!) - otherwise no one else has acknowledged that i am even interested in attending their school - so we shall see how the cards fall - in a big mess? or into one of those cool houses made of cards

I am in 5 classes

performance studies
fine arts 4
advanced film studies
xhosa
jazz improvisation

not to much of the week but enuff - im wondering how different my experience here would be if it wasn't principally an academic excursion - maybe no different at all - i definatly wouldn't have met so many nice ppl my age had i not been in this "university setting" - but i think i would see more if i didn't have any obligations as far as courses go.

2005-02-22T06:10:00.000-08:00

somehow + i Got Sick + im not appreciatin my body deciding to get a cold right now + classes continued today + this place is very much on a traditional western since of time + i find myself gettin up earlier and going to sleep earlier + plus there is NUTHIN open after 6 + which is a big change and sat and sun. its a ghost town +

I had a disturbingish conversation with a sub- continental indian person last night + he was workin the counter at this indian food spot + my friends and i ordered + asked about the food + etc. + nothing deep + and then he said + "its amazing, how much farther u people are along than the black people in this country" + i was taken aback + he kinda felt me getting abrasivly inquisitive + and stumbled to explain himself + " the black people in SA have a chip on their shoulder because of how the white man brain washed them into thinking they are inferior, in so doing there is a divide between the indians and the blacks in this country and i cant have a conversation with them because of this --chip" ((((( it is important to note that he was the cashier and possibly owner of this indian food place, but EVERYONE that worked there was black)))) he continued + "the divide exists because 1 the asians gave a big middle finger to the white man (british) with all that inferiority crap but the blacks were brainwashed" + i started to not even engage him, but then i started to feel like engaging ppl like him was what being here is basically about + so i asked him several questions including + "wouldn't u have a chip on ur shoulder if u were black?, wasn't the ANC's middle finger a very...black one?, i know of all the ppl that come to this counter to order food--someone has been black and cordial to him so how do u feel like im ACTUALLY different than the ppl here?" he was rambeling and then he started to talk about how the jews control the world and how america and britan and the west is like the semite fortress of all things powerfull + but i needed no convincing and he felt like he was trying to sell me on something. but it was odd to see that his lenses were so fogged in a way + he must have had some type of positive convo with a black person before me but he must have just ignored it.

race is on the tip of everyones tounge here + its a constant thing that ive never really experienced but being here it feels like ppl are less afraid of offending each other and instead just letting it all out in the open so the problems can get fixed.

settlin down

2005-02-20T02:11:00.000-08:00

so things are starting to regulate + classes started on fri + i had my tap course + tap step ball change, heel toe clap ball change keeps going thru my head + somehow my african dance class meets @ 830 am tommorow, i dont know how i got myself into that + ive got a contemporary course as well tommorow so we shall see how those go + this wednesday was interesting + i went to the beach @ fish hoek + it is important to note that any beachy touristy spot i go to was obviously only recently made available for use by black people + so this beach is...gentrified + it was fun but the water was too cold and the wind was blowing sand in my eyes + anyway + the interesting part was leaving the beach + we took the train back home it is about an hour train ride + now the train has three classes + 1st class cost about 65cents in american money and third class costs about 40cents + i wasn't thinkin when i got on the train and i bought a first class ticket + we get on the train (about 20 people) and as we are riding back i am made aware that we are sitting in first class + now this first class train is about as comfortable and aesthetically pleasing as the A-C train going to bed stuy so its nothing impressive the 4-5-6 trains are killin this first class situation + it got me to thinkin about what third class must have looked like + as we rode closer to the city more black people got on + then all of a sudden at one stop a ticket checker guy got on flanked by a man with a glock 9mm holstered but clutched as if ready to draw + so he checks everyone's tickets in the car + and apparently 2 or 3 people didn't have first class tickets + a black lady in her 50's wearing all black and carrying 2 bags + and a middle aged black man who looked like he had been working on a construction site + the police man / swat team ish guy + "escorted" + the criminals off the train + the train car scurried off too quickly for me to see what they did with the ppl.

im starting to feel kinda cooped up like i just want to walk in a few directions that i haven't walked in yet. (geographically) because my sense of my surroundings keeps feeling smaller as i get more and more familiar with the neighborhood around me.

IM entirely Taken with the xosa language + its so rhythmic and percussive + ive decided im going to take that class as well see how it goes +

i went to see the musical "SARAFINA!" last night + big up to fezy for getting me the tickets+ it was really amazing + everyone /everything was on point + i was taken by the high and constant energy level of the show + the ppl looked like this was the first, one, and only time they were going to do this show + when in actuality it was like the 50th time and the 2nd time that day + i want to see the movie now +

i got a wonderful message from aunt AC 2.o (thats anne claude for those out of the know) and my lil cousins chloe and camille + wonderful to hear familiar voices + unfortunatly i was in the show when they called but i love u guys too!

it was deserted outside yesterday because there was an unexpected winter weather situation + meaning it was like 65 degrees and windy + but the streets were literally deserted and NOTHING was open + i was like Teh! + yall come to boston or chicago for a few days!

Hallelujah !

2005-02-15T05:38:00.000-08:00

so i got this letter today

Terence—

Thank you for your interest in the SMFA/Tufts MFA program. I am writing you with some great news! You have been selected as a finalist for our MFA program. Our MFA program is highly selective and only a select few are chosen as finalists and invited to interview here at SMFA. We conduct all finalist interviews at a day we call “Graduate Interview Day”. This year, “Graduate Interview Day” will be held on Saturday, March 12th. You will be getting an official finalist letter as well as an information packet in the next week, but I wanted to let you know ASAP! If you are intending to interview at SMFA, please begin making your travel arrangements to Boston. You must plan to be available to interview at anytime between 9am and 5pm on Saturday, March 12th. You will not get your exact interview time until a week before the interviews. Due to the logistics of scheduling 75 interviews, I cannot accommodate time requests.

I understand that you are currently in South Africa and in are most likely unable to come to Boston. Please contact me by March 1st so that I can arrange a phone interview for you. If you could let me know the time change between here and South Africa, that would be of great help! We were very impressed with your work and look forward to talking with you in the future.

Should you have questions, please feel free to call 800-643-6078. Congratulations! Safe travels!

Sincerely,

Courtney Fanning
Graduate Admissions Coordinator
Assistant Director of Admissions
The School of the Museum of Fine Arts
230 The Fenway
Boston, MA 02115

+ and it felt really good to get this letter + cause i was starting to feel like no one had even recieved my applications + this is the first correspondance ive gotten from any school and all my applications have been in for A MINUTE! + so this news put me at ease...just a lil + cause when i went on a tour of SMFA they said they really don't admit students directly out of undergraduate and my chances were very slim + this lil bit of affirmation killed a butterfly or two that were in my stomach

+ one of my roomates came today + his name is John and he is from namibia + its very interesting how diverse capetown is + but this all of course depends on your idea of diversity + every other student i meet here is from an african country other than S.A. + and they all REP HARD + in fact they tried to get me to join the east african student organization +comprised of students from alot of countries in east africa + i asked if u had to be from E.A. to join + and they said... "how do u know you aren't?" + but yea anyway...diversity + so there its a real diverse place as far as nationality + but u also get the sense that although alot of these people are really culturally / different -phenotypically there is no way of knowing who is who + it seems tho in some situations people just found themselves on oppisite sides of colonization lines.+ funny thing to + i think black people in the US rep their city's - hoods - burroughs - etc. harder than these people rep their country.

anyway john seems like he'll be a dope roomate - we have alot in common + we both play guitar - and have joined the basketball club.

all the girls in my program seem a lil over obsessed with saftey + i think its a combination of that lone woman = victim stereotype (is it a stereotype? its somethin like that) and the scare tactics they tried to put on us when we got here + i mean they were tellin us about irrelevant crimes + like some 77 yr old lady got eatin by a shark + .... + but my program is like 90% female and they are always talkin about how "sketchy" places are + im sure things are different if u are a woman + but + i don't know but i don't feel unsafe at all here + i think the place ive felt the most unsafe was downtown newark, NJ real late at night (don't know why) but this is no comparison + actually at night... its almost deserted except for security gaurds... one girl told me that numbers are numbers and the higher the crime rate the worse the place...+ but i just don't buy that now + american's here are spooked for no reason + i saw this south african try and help an american guy put minutes on his cell phone and the american guy almost flipped out + the S.A. guy wasn't frazzeled and just showed him how to do it and walked away and the american guy looked ashamed for being obvious about typecasting the friendly s.african as a vagrant/criminal + it was weird

next episode + terence rides third class on the train (yes ppl -classes --- on the train...)

un-perused complicated things

2005-02-12T03:32:00.000-08:00

Day one:

so while on the plane i watched a horrible movie called sideways + well it wasn't horrible but its gotten nominated for every oscar in the book + it was just difficult to see that something that was so aesthitically, and conceptually-trivial was so decorated and recognized after watching Hotel Rwanda + which i thought was maybe the most important movie of the last year almost completely overlooked as a movie and a message + the best actor / actress nominations are great and well deserved but... u know what im saying

i was sitting next to this pudgy white guy on the plane from ammsterdamm (sp?) who had on wranglers and flannel (on the way to - tropical cape town) so i concluded that he had to be from texas + i asked him and he was + "riiight up dere- jus norf uh austin yesssir" was whaat he said + he was going to work on an oil rig off the western cape shore + i kept thinkin why they would sent this guy half way across the world to drill oil off the shore of a country who has so many unemployed people + global I zation

landed in cape town + swankiest airport ive ever been in + architecture is immaculate + the bauhaus influence is strong + lotta glass + whole lotta quadralinear design + no black people + on the flight + on any other arriving flights + starting to think "are we in africa?" + the lack of melanin has been irkin me + but ive been trying to not be irked cause the vexation is coming from this whole expectations thing + and i have tried so hard to be void of..expectations + but i was feeling like an un-willing soldier in a coup + first 3 black people i saw + very un important and maybe shallow to note i think + but for some reason they were at the front of my brain + customs agent + baggage hadler girls on break who gave me a thumbs up which i returned with great intensity and fervor (i think they liked my jacket) + and our driver.

driving from the airport was an experience + by now it wasn't sinking in that i was in South Africa + but i sunk real fast when we drove past all the shanty towns + it was a freakishly clear night ( i find it amazing that i can see orion) and the wind is crispy + and there was no one on the road but us + i do this thing in my mind where i always compare parallel experiences + so i was comparing driving from the airport in capetown to driving from DFW in dallas down 635 when u pass all those ridiculous looking subdivisions and gated "communities" + huge brand new shopping centers (all of which have the same 9 stores, lowes, best buy, target, ross etc.) + this drive seems antithical (if that isn't a word lets make it one) there are miles and miles of shacks that create this monet like abstraction when seen at 75mph + then there are coloured townships + which are kinda like our projects (southern ones not hi rise jump offs) and then all of a sudden everything looks like coral gables + and there are palm trees + and bed and breakfasts + and gated mansions nestled between mountains and beaches + the contrast is so similar to boston walking from the projects in roxbury 6 blocks away to the newly gentrified south end. but much worse cause the beach, and palm trees and mountains are all included in this semi universal image of earthly paradise + so the contrast is that much more harsh + but really kinda unfacinating + because on some level we've all seen it + it kinda harder to ignore here +

Day two:

the sun wakes me up at 6 ( iwent to bed @ 3) + lookin out my window and i see the top of table mountain outside of my window + the wind is pushing cumulous clouds over the top of the mountain + its called the "table cloth" and its indescribable so i won't begin to put u on to how it looks or feels + one thing i hate are touristy pictures + postcard shots + but now i entirely understand why people have them + because its impossible to not want to in some way permenatly capture the power of what u see sometimes + later that day we went up to table mountain + and like i said before all churches should be on mountains no exceptions + u can't be up there and at least not feel like ur presence there wasn't designed in some way + plus u get this feeling of overwheming humlity + cause ur confronted with ur smallness when u see how vast and sweeping just one city is + i waited for the sun to set took a few pictures + i'm starting to feel like they planned all this well cause if u had any doubts about coming to capetown when u were on that mountain + they shoulda gotten erased real quick +

THA CLUB + is different here + guys dance + and girls dance + just not togeather as much + its jus ppl dancing + at least thats how i felt the first night i went + the second time + it was alot of americans + there was a mini assimilationish moment when evey body made it kinda more of an american thing + i was angry cause they didn't play any south african music + they play everything we got which i don't like. + tha freakin west

Had an interesting conversation with what amerians would consider to be an indian woman today + she said she was black + and she was phenotypically northern indian looking + she was talkin bout how her race changes based on context + she said when she goes to places with alot of white people there + her and her friend will be like "wow - we are the only flavor in here " which apparently means we are the only black ppl here + but if they are somewhere more diverse but with no indians + they would say we are the only indians here + but oddly enuff she would be considered coloured by most other south africans + convoluted

+ this young south african student asked me if i was from america and then when i said yea he was like "OHHHH what up my NIGGUH!" + so yes, this nigguh-nucca-nigga-nikka-situation has to stop + ima spearhead that movement + the exportaiton of culture seems to be vigilantly selective + in that i haven't heard anyone refer to a postive part of black american culture + so some body gotta pay more attention to what we represent + newness

I keep seeing africans that look exactly like friends of mine + i almost walked up to a girl today and was like + WHAT ARE U DOING IN SOUTH AFRICA ALEISHA! + and then i came to my senses. but its crazy enuff to make u think of how far displaced can we actually be (biologically) +

+ i moved into my dorm and it is not so hot + mainly cause my windows don't open and they are fogged over like those penintentary jump offs + and some how the action on my guitar is messed up now so ican't play it + that is no good + my roomates also have not moved in so im anxious to see who i will be living with + The dorm complex is on LOCK DOWN + its entirely enclosed by real hi gates and security posts are everywhere + apparently i look suspicious cause they are always askin me where live and stuff hoping ill stumble + we are going to the wine lands in an hour and i just found out that im going to zim babwe and mozambique next month so keep urself updated.

in tha meantime

be easy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

2005-02-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

ok so im old + its my birthday +
wow that is surreal+
but there is no greater gift that being alive and here where i am+ i don't have much time to post this cuz the internet situation here is not state of the art+ but i wanted to say im alive+ South Africa is incredibly nuanced+ i went on top of the table mountain and i would just like to say that all churches should be built on top of mountains + because divinity and the existence there of is undeniable when u stand on a mountain (will expound later) + i still can't really belive im ACTUALLY here + the program sang me happy brithday today + then proceeded to get into a heated discussion about american identity and perception + i went to the club and here and felt ashamed that i harbored the steretype that all african's have rhythem for so very very long (will expound on later) + ok i gotta bungee (bounce) CALL ME

My Phone # is 076 . 179 . 8704 south africa's country code is 27 so u dial 011 . 27 . 076 . 179 . 8704 and walla u get ME

im 7 hrs ahead of eastern time
keep that in mind

Exit Angst and Apprehension

2005-01-31T18:21:00.000-08:00

ok -
+ so im definatly feeling like im going to be in amerikkka FOREVER

+im gettin this sneakin feeling that the world will end on Feb. 6th, the day before i leave.

+speaking of leaving i leave in exactly ONE week and i definatly have no context for understanding how excited i should be

+so my psyche has just forgone the whole excitment thing all togeather and decided on prolonging the percieved length of days.

+which is vexing.