Terence is for Tha Children

and the good young youths of the world + so i signed up for SHAWCO which stands for student help and welfare capetown organization (or somthing like that) + and basically im gonna go to kyleisha ( a black, xhosa speaking township, i know i spelled it wrong ) + every monday + and do art with the chirrens + they aren't kids! + kids are goats + these are children + and i think the first day is today + we had training all day saturday and it was...ehhh. +

i had one of many "not proud to be american moments" in one of the training sessions + so of course we are talking about the kids and what to expect and the AIDS question rises like black smoke from a burnin pile of tires + this girl in my program sets it off by asking + "if a child gets a scrape or a cut - what do we do?" + now a few of the africans laughed - thank god it was a big room - to me it wasn't really that the question was so bad because given another context she coulda just wanted to know where the first aid kit was located + but it was the way she said it + she sounded kinda distraught like she thought the aids was gonna jump outta the kids vein and slither down her throat like in the alien movie + they told her the first aid kit had rubber gloves + but that she just needed to make sure she didn't have opens sores on her hands and she would be OK! + more mind numbing dumbness followed + including --"is there an appropriate way to physically handle the kids?" + or something like that + then we moved to TB + and the hep and the herp and everything else + i was waitin for someone to ask about smallpox (PUNCHLINE!) + it became a really funny thing for all the returning councelors and african employees but for me it was kinda like watching soul plane or bringin down the house but worse cause no one was getting paid.

Then this girl from england went on the longest tangent ever about expectations i think + anyway + she created this long fictional narrative about a child that she had created in her mind that she expected to encounter when she got to kyleisha who couldn't read or speak english + was an aids orphan + had a skin disease + no pants + 8 yrs old and not potty trained + head of the household + job in a textile mill 2 rand per day + stole bread just ta get by just ta get buy + she was almost crying by the end of this description + and she said it all in this marry poppins accent + it was so cinematic + i was trying to hide my face this whole time + so maybe i would become invisible and thus dissassociated with these ppl + not that they were bad ppl + they were just trippin.

SCHOOL

is such an omni present thing - i have my first formal grad school interview on monday night - i need to breathe stretch shake let it go - if i get in to this school it'll be an extremely heavy weight lifted off of my head shoulders knees and toes (knees and toes !!!) - otherwise no one else has acknowledged that i am even interested in attending their school - so we shall see how the cards fall - in a big mess? or into one of those cool houses made of cards

I am in 5 classes

performance studies
fine arts 4
advanced film studies
xhosa
jazz improvisation

not to much of the week but enuff - im wondering how different my experience here would be if it wasn't principally an academic excursion - maybe no different at all - i definatly wouldn't have met so many nice ppl my age had i not been in this "university setting" - but i think i would see more if i didn't have any obligations as far as courses go.

somehow + i Got Sick + im not appreciatin my body deciding to get a cold right now + classes continued today + this place is very much on a traditional western since of time + i find myself gettin up earlier and going to sleep earlier + plus there is NUTHIN open after 6 + which is a big change and sat and sun. its a ghost town +

I had a disturbingish conversation with a sub- continental indian person last night + he was workin the counter at this indian food spot + my friends and i ordered + asked about the food + etc. + nothing deep + and then he said + "its amazing, how much farther u people are along than the black people in this country" + i was taken aback + he kinda felt me getting abrasivly inquisitive + and stumbled to explain himself + " the black people in SA have a chip on their shoulder because of how the white man brain washed them into thinking they are inferior, in so doing there is a divide between the indians and the blacks in this country and i cant have a conversation with them because of this --chip" ((((( it is important to note that he was the cashier and possibly owner of this indian food place, but EVERYONE that worked there was black)))) he continued + "the divide exists because 1 the asians gave a big middle finger to the white man (british) with all that inferiority crap but the blacks were brainwashed" + i started to not even engage him, but then i started to feel like engaging ppl like him was what being here is basically about + so i asked him several questions including + "wouldn't u have a chip on ur shoulder if u were black?, wasn't the ANC's middle finger a very...black one?, i know of all the ppl that come to this counter to order food--someone has been black and cordial to him so how do u feel like im ACTUALLY different than the ppl here?" he was rambeling and then he started to talk about how the jews control the world and how america and britan and the west is like the semite fortress of all things powerfull + but i needed no convincing and he felt like he was trying to sell me on something. but it was odd to see that his lenses were so fogged in a way + he must have had some type of positive convo with a black person before me but he must have just ignored it.

race is on the tip of everyones tounge here + its a constant thing that ive never really experienced but being here it feels like ppl are less afraid of offending each other and instead just letting it all out in the open so the problems can get fixed.

settlin down

so things are starting to regulate + classes started on fri + i had my tap course + tap step ball change, heel toe clap ball change keeps going thru my head + somehow my african dance class meets @ 830 am tommorow, i dont know how i got myself into that + ive got a contemporary course as well tommorow so we shall see how those go + this wednesday was interesting + i went to the beach @ fish hoek + it is important to note that any beachy touristy spot i go to was obviously only recently made available for use by black people + so this beach is...gentrified + it was fun but the water was too cold and the wind was blowing sand in my eyes + anyway + the interesting part was leaving the beach + we took the train back home it is about an hour train ride + now the train has three classes + 1st class cost about 65cents in american money and third class costs about 40cents + i wasn't thinkin when i got on the train and i bought a first class ticket + we get on the train (about 20 people) and as we are riding back i am made aware that we are sitting in first class + now this first class train is about as comfortable and aesthetically pleasing as the A-C train going to bed stuy so its nothing impressive the 4-5-6 trains are killin this first class situation + it got me to thinkin about what third class must have looked like + as we rode closer to the city more black people got on + then all of a sudden at one stop a ticket checker guy got on flanked by a man with a glock 9mm holstered but clutched as if ready to draw + so he checks everyone's tickets in the car + and apparently 2 or 3 people didn't have first class tickets + a black lady in her 50's wearing all black and carrying 2 bags + and a middle aged black man who looked like he had been working on a construction site + the police man / swat team ish guy + "escorted" + the criminals off the train + the train car scurried off too quickly for me to see what they did with the ppl.

im starting to feel kinda cooped up like i just want to walk in a few directions that i haven't walked in yet. (geographically) because my sense of my surroundings keeps feeling smaller as i get more and more familiar with the neighborhood around me.

IM entirely Taken with the xosa language + its so rhythmic and percussive + ive decided im going to take that class as well see how it goes +

i went to see the musical "SARAFINA!" last night + big up to fezy for getting me the tickets+ it was really amazing + everyone /everything was on point + i was taken by the high and constant energy level of the show + the ppl looked like this was the first, one, and only time they were going to do this show + when in actuality it was like the 50th time and the 2nd time that day + i want to see the movie now +

i got a wonderful message from aunt AC 2.o (thats anne claude for those out of the know) and my lil cousins chloe and camille + wonderful to hear familiar voices + unfortunatly i was in the show when they called but i love u guys too!

it was deserted outside yesterday because there was an unexpected winter weather situation + meaning it was like 65 degrees and windy + but the streets were literally deserted and NOTHING was open + i was like Teh! + yall come to boston or chicago for a few days!

Hallelujah !

so i got this letter today

Terence—

Thank you for your interest in the SMFA/Tufts MFA program. I am writing you with some great news! You have been selected as a finalist for our MFA program. Our MFA program is highly selective and only a select few are chosen as finalists and invited to interview here at SMFA. We conduct all finalist interviews at a day we call “Graduate Interview Day”. This year, “Graduate Interview Day” will be held on Saturday, March 12th. You will be getting an official finalist letter as well as an information packet in the next week, but I wanted to let you know ASAP! If you are intending to interview at SMFA, please begin making your travel arrangements to Boston. You must plan to be available to interview at anytime between 9am and 5pm on Saturday, March 12th. You will not get your exact interview time until a week before the interviews. Due to the logistics of scheduling 75 interviews, I cannot accommodate time requests.

I understand that you are currently in South Africa and in are most likely unable to come to Boston. Please contact me by March 1st so that I can arrange a phone interview for you. If you could let me know the time change between here and South Africa, that would be of great help! We were very impressed with your work and look forward to talking with you in the future.

Should you have questions, please feel free to call 800-643-6078. Congratulations! Safe travels!

Sincerely,

Courtney Fanning
Graduate Admissions Coordinator
Assistant Director of Admissions
The School of the Museum of Fine Arts
230 The Fenway
Boston, MA 02115

+ and it felt really good to get this letter + cause i was starting to feel like no one had even recieved my applications + this is the first correspondance ive gotten from any school and all my applications have been in for A MINUTE! + so this news put me at ease...just a lil + cause when i went on a tour of SMFA they said they really don't admit students directly out of undergraduate and my chances were very slim + this lil bit of affirmation killed a butterfly or two that were in my stomach

+ one of my roomates came today + his name is John and he is from namibia + its very interesting how diverse capetown is + but this all of course depends on your idea of diversity + every other student i meet here is from an african country other than S.A. + and they all REP HARD + in fact they tried to get me to join the east african student organization +comprised of students from alot of countries in east africa + i asked if u had to be from E.A. to join + and they said... "how do u know you aren't?" + but yea anyway...diversity + so there its a real diverse place as far as nationality + but u also get the sense that although alot of these people are really culturally / different -phenotypically there is no way of knowing who is who + it seems tho in some situations people just found themselves on oppisite sides of colonization lines.+ funny thing to + i think black people in the US rep their city's - hoods - burroughs - etc. harder than these people rep their country.

anyway john seems like he'll be a dope roomate - we have alot in common + we both play guitar - and have joined the basketball club.

all the girls in my program seem a lil over obsessed with saftey + i think its a combination of that lone woman = victim stereotype (is it a stereotype? its somethin like that) and the scare tactics they tried to put on us when we got here + i mean they were tellin us about irrelevant crimes + like some 77 yr old lady got eatin by a shark + .... + but my program is like 90% female and they are always talkin about how "sketchy" places are + im sure things are different if u are a woman + but + i don't know but i don't feel unsafe at all here + i think the place ive felt the most unsafe was downtown newark, NJ real late at night (don't know why) but this is no comparison + actually at night... its almost deserted except for security gaurds... one girl told me that numbers are numbers and the higher the crime rate the worse the place...+ but i just don't buy that now + american's here are spooked for no reason + i saw this south african try and help an american guy put minutes on his cell phone and the american guy almost flipped out + the S.A. guy wasn't frazzeled and just showed him how to do it and walked away and the american guy looked ashamed for being obvious about typecasting the friendly s.african as a vagrant/criminal + it was weird

next episode + terence rides third class on the train (yes ppl -classes --- on the train...)

un-perused complicated things

Day one:

so while on the plane i watched a horrible movie called sideways + well it wasn't horrible but its gotten nominated for every oscar in the book + it was just difficult to see that something that was so aesthitically, and conceptually-trivial was so decorated and recognized after watching Hotel Rwanda + which i thought was maybe the most important movie of the last year almost completely overlooked as a movie and a message + the best actor / actress nominations are great and well deserved but... u know what im saying

i was sitting next to this pudgy white guy on the plane from ammsterdamm (sp?) who had on wranglers and flannel (on the way to - tropical cape town) so i concluded that he had to be from texas + i asked him and he was + "riiight up dere- jus norf uh austin yesssir" was whaat he said + he was going to work on an oil rig off the western cape shore + i kept thinkin why they would sent this guy half way across the world to drill oil off the shore of a country who has so many unemployed people + global I zation

landed in cape town + swankiest airport ive ever been in + architecture is immaculate + the bauhaus influence is strong + lotta glass + whole lotta quadralinear design + no black people + on the flight + on any other arriving flights + starting to think "are we in africa?" + the lack of melanin has been irkin me + but ive been trying to not be irked cause the vexation is coming from this whole expectations thing + and i have tried so hard to be void of..expectations + but i was feeling like an un-willing soldier in a coup + first 3 black people i saw + very un important and maybe shallow to note i think + but for some reason they were at the front of my brain + customs agent + baggage hadler girls on break who gave me a thumbs up which i returned with great intensity and fervor (i think they liked my jacket) + and our driver.

driving from the airport was an experience + by now it wasn't sinking in that i was in South Africa + but i sunk real fast when we drove past all the shanty towns + it was a freakishly clear night ( i find it amazing that i can see orion) and the wind is crispy + and there was no one on the road but us + i do this thing in my mind where i always compare parallel experiences + so i was comparing driving from the airport in capetown to driving from DFW in dallas down 635 when u pass all those ridiculous looking subdivisions and gated "communities" + huge brand new shopping centers (all of which have the same 9 stores, lowes, best buy, target, ross etc.) + this drive seems antithical (if that isn't a word lets make it one) there are miles and miles of shacks that create this monet like abstraction when seen at 75mph + then there are coloured townships + which are kinda like our projects (southern ones not hi rise jump offs) and then all of a sudden everything looks like coral gables + and there are palm trees + and bed and breakfasts + and gated mansions nestled between mountains and beaches + the contrast is so similar to boston walking from the projects in roxbury 6 blocks away to the newly gentrified south end. but much worse cause the beach, and palm trees and mountains are all included in this semi universal image of earthly paradise + so the contrast is that much more harsh + but really kinda unfacinating + because on some level we've all seen it + it kinda harder to ignore here +


Day two:

the sun wakes me up at 6 ( iwent to bed @ 3) + lookin out my window and i see the top of table mountain outside of my window + the wind is pushing cumulous clouds over the top of the mountain + its called the "table cloth" and its indescribable so i won't begin to put u on to how it looks or feels + one thing i hate are touristy pictures + postcard shots + but now i entirely understand why people have them + because its impossible to not want to in some way permenatly capture the power of what u see sometimes + later that day we went up to table mountain + and like i said before all churches should be on mountains no exceptions + u can't be up there and at least not feel like ur presence there wasn't designed in some way + plus u get this feeling of overwheming humlity + cause ur confronted with ur smallness when u see how vast and sweeping just one city is + i waited for the sun to set took a few pictures + i'm starting to feel like they planned all this well cause if u had any doubts about coming to capetown when u were on that mountain + they shoulda gotten erased real quick +

THA CLUB + is different here + guys dance + and girls dance + just not togeather as much + its jus ppl dancing + at least thats how i felt the first night i went + the second time + it was alot of americans + there was a mini assimilationish moment when evey body made it kinda more of an american thing + i was angry cause they didn't play any south african music + they play everything we got which i don't like. + tha freakin west

Had an interesting conversation with what amerians would consider to be an indian woman today + she said she was black + and she was phenotypically northern indian looking + she was talkin bout how her race changes based on context + she said when she goes to places with alot of white people there + her and her friend will be like "wow - we are the only flavor in here " which apparently means we are the only black ppl here + but if they are somewhere more diverse but with no indians + they would say we are the only indians here + but oddly enuff she would be considered coloured by most other south africans + convoluted

+ this young south african student asked me if i was from america and then when i said yea he was like "OHHHH what up my NIGGUH!" + so yes, this nigguh-nucca-nigga-nikka-situation has to stop + ima spearhead that movement + the exportaiton of culture seems to be vigilantly selective + in that i haven't heard anyone refer to a postive part of black american culture + so some body gotta pay more attention to what we represent + newness

I keep seeing africans that look exactly like friends of mine + i almost walked up to a girl today and was like + WHAT ARE U DOING IN SOUTH AFRICA ALEISHA! + and then i came to my senses. but its crazy enuff to make u think of how far displaced can we actually be (biologically) +

+ i moved into my dorm and it is not so hot + mainly cause my windows don't open and they are fogged over like those penintentary jump offs + and some how the action on my guitar is messed up now so ican't play it + that is no good + my roomates also have not moved in so im anxious to see who i will be living with + The dorm complex is on LOCK DOWN + its entirely enclosed by real hi gates and security posts are everywhere + apparently i look suspicious cause they are always askin me where live and stuff hoping ill stumble + we are going to the wine lands in an hour and i just found out that im going to zim babwe and mozambique next month so keep urself updated.

in tha meantime

be easy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

ok so im old + its my birthday +
wow that is surreal+
but there is no greater gift that being alive and here where i am+ i don't have much time to post this cuz the internet situation here is not state of the art+ but i wanted to say im alive+ South Africa is incredibly nuanced+ i went on top of the table mountain and i would just like to say that all churches should be built on top of mountains + because divinity and the existence there of is undeniable when u stand on a mountain (will expound later) + i still can't really belive im ACTUALLY here + the program sang me happy brithday today + then proceeded to get into a heated discussion about american identity and perception + i went to the club and here and felt ashamed that i harbored the steretype that all african's have rhythem for so very very long (will expound on later) + ok i gotta bungee (bounce) CALL ME

My Phone # is 076 . 179 . 8704 south africa's country code is 27 so u dial 011 . 27 . 076 . 179 . 8704 and walla u get ME

im 7 hrs ahead of eastern time
keep that in mind